Take Me Anywhere
by librawriter
Summary: A sequel to my alternate version of What Might Have Been.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: My formatting here is a little different. I'm not really sure this is going to be a chapter by chapter story, but the excerpts are a little long to be drabbles. So it will be what it will be. Enjoy! **_

Take Me Anywhere

Lieutenant Uhura was a distraction to Jim Kirk. He was fine on the days when they weren't working the same shift, naturally, because he couldn't see her, or hear her voice. He didn't have to force himself not to look at her and pretend they _hadn't_ spent the entire last three days of their visit to his childhood home having the sex of his life. He'd told her he loved her, more than once, and he'd meant it. He _did_ love her.

He couldn't help it, despite how stupid it made him.

He'd wanted her from the first time he'd seen her in that bar, because what man _wouldn't_— but to add to her obvious attractiveness was her intellect and fighting spirit. She didn't take shit from him or from anyone. She was a bad ass, his equal in female form. The more he had grown to know her, watching her sweep through their Academy days with all A's, the more his heart became engaged beyond his control. When he really thought about it, he'd joined Starfleet because of her. All he'd wanted was her to give him attention, which she had blatantly refused time and again. And for who, Spock? He still couldn't figure that one out.

"We get each other," she'd told Jim that first night in Iowa. Iowa should never have happened. Jim had been prepared to leave it at the kiss they'd shared on his front porch, but then Nyota had gone and ruined it by calling him upstairs, rationalized it all by saying they could just get it out of their systems. She'd warned him, told him she wasn't leaving Spock for him and he'd thought, _It's okay_ _if she doesn't_, but now he couldn't get out of his mind what they had done, or how they had done it. Their time there together was the last thing he thought of every night before he fell asleep, alone in his quarters, and nine days out of ten, Nyota was the first thing on his mind when he woke up.

She wasn't exactly blowing him off, but he could sense tension in the air when they were in the same room. Jim couldn't be positive what might happen if he cornered her somewhere and forced her to talk to him privately. He didn't trust himself to do that yet. If she looked up at him with those beautiful dark eyes, he'd give her anything she asked for, even if it was a request for him to transfer. He'd considered it, in fact. Again, stupid. His mentor, the late Captain Pike, had basically died for him to have this ship, and now he was ready to give it all up for a woman who barely acknowledged him in passing. Relationships had always scared the holy fuck out of him, so he figured it was appropriate that he would fall in love with a woman who was just as indifferent towards him as he was towards other women he'd dated.

* * *

They were working the same shift—all three of them—though Spock was unaware he was part of a web of lies. Jim sat in his Captain's chair, waiting and watching as his ship catapulted through space towards their next adventure.

"I'm picking up a signal, Captain," his Communications Officer called, whirling around in her seat. "A greeting coming from quadrant 43A."

"Send them a return greeting and ask if we have their permission to land on the planet that's on the radar," Jim said, looking at her. It was a mistake, for the moment they caught eyes, he saw her in his mind, naked, pounding her ass back against him, his hands all over her.

"_Say my name," he commanded. _

_"Jim!"_

_"Say it again." She tossed her hair from her eyes as her vaginal muscles clenched his member even tighter. She was coming, again. "Jim…Jim…Jiiiiim, ahh, fuck me…" _

He shook his head to clear his mind from the images. "Jesus Christ…" he muttered.

"Sir?"

"Have they responded?" he called over his shoulder. _Don't even look at her._

"They've given us permission, Captain. They don't speak Standard but both of us understand Caspian. Let me know if I can be of assistance with an away team."

"Hmm. Caspian," Jim muttered. "I think I remember the basics." Because there was no way he was going down there with her.

"We should enter their atmosphere in approximately twenty minutes, Captain," Sulu reported.

"I am detecting a concerning ring of gases surrounding the planet that have components of phosphorous pentafluoride. There is a storm of some kind occurring. The region itself appears to be stable for life but landing within the allotted destination time could possibly be dangerous," Spock mused, checking the readings from his station.

"That's what we have safety gear for, Spock," Jim said, standing up. "I'll check it out."

"I calculate the odds of a successful landing to be less than 40%. Perhaps a drone should be sent beforehand," Spock suggested.

Jim made a face. "Bah, that's taking the easy way out. Spock, take over while I'm down there."

"As you wish," Spock said, preparing to sit in the Captain's chair. Jim walked past Nyota on his way to the docking station. They regarded each other briefly, long enough for him to see obvious emotion in her eyes. Concern? Sadness? He couldn't tell and he couldn't ask her either. She said nothing and neither did he.

* * *

The trip was a disaster. The storm was too much for the shuttle pod to handle, and as Spock had predicted, Jim crashed on the surface. He didn't need a medical degree to tell him that his left arm was shattered in several places, especially not the way it looked, dangling grotesquely by his wrist. Jim used his good hand and thanked the father he had never known for strong teeth, which he used to tear bits of his shredded uniform to secure what he could of his mangled arm. His helmet had also shattered, and it wasn't long before he was spitting up mouthfuls of blood. His chest burned with every breath he took. His communication devices appeared to be broken, only emitting impatient hissing noises.

How easy it would be to just lay back against the ripped and broken panel of the shuttle pod and let go of his life. Jim was in so much pain after a day, he didn't bother to open his eyes. His thoughts wandered to death, but every time they did, he thought of Nyota—the way she had looked at him as he passed her station to come here. He couldn't let that be the last time they saw each other. So she became his strength, his reason to live, minute after minute, hour after hour. Jim clung to his thoughts of her, the moments he'd had with her in Riverside, watching her play with those wild rabbits and kissing her on the porch. The way she looked that first morning after, wearing his shirt as if she really did belong to him.

"Nyota..." he whispered as the hot wind burned his skin and he coughed up another mouth of blood.

Three days passed before Spock was able to find his coordinates to beam him back aboard. Jim was almost a goner by then.

"He doesn't look good. We've got to get him in quarantine right away," was the last thing he heard Bones say before he blacked out.

He slept for what felt like years.

* * *

When his eyes next opened, she was there.

"Am I dead or dreaming?" he muttered, blinking until Nyota came into focus. She dropped the PADD she was reading to the seat next to her and flew to his side.

"Jim! Oh, Jim!" she cried, flinging her arms around him, pressing her face into his neck. She burst into tears, which surprised him. He raised a bandaged hand to her back, carefully. His head was killing him and it burned slightly to breathe, but she was here and he could tolerate any pain because of it. "It's okay, Nyota," he said softly. "I'm alright now."

She lifted herself off of him, her eyes still streaming. "Do you have _any_ idea…Do you know what McCoy was saying, that you might not pull through? You never listen! Spock told you not to go down there!" she hissed. She grabbed his face and kissed him on the mouth. Once, twice, three times.

"If I'd known I had to melt my lungs to get you to kiss me in public, I'd have done it a lot sooner," Jim said, smiling weakly at her.

"That's _not_ funny. That is not funny, Jim. You almost _died_." She leaned across him, hugged him again.

It felt so good to hold her. "You know it hasn't been the first time and it probably won't be the last."

Nyota sat back to look at him, shaking her head sadly. "This is why I can't let myself love you," she said quietly, tousling his hair gently. "Because of the dumb shit you do. You won't stop making rash decisions and I'd never know when I'd be seeing you for the last time."

Jim's brows furrowed in confusion. He grabbed her hand with his good one. "Hold on, I thought you didn't at all. What are you trying to do, torture me? If you have feelings for me, then tell me! I've been trying to talk to you since we got back!"

"Don't," she said, pulling away. "We can't talk about that here. There are cameras everywhere. God only knows who's hearing what."

"I don't care," he said. "Kiss me again."

"No. Not now. You just concentrate on getting rest so you can have your ass back in that Captain's seat. And Jim, just…don't scare me like that again. Or at least, take me with you next time."

"I want you with me everywhere I go. _You're_ the one who—"

Their conversation was cut short when the doors opened. Dr. McCoy entered, followed by a small team of medical staff. "I heard the monitors go off. Good to see you back, man," McCoy said. If he thought anything of how closely Jim and Nyota were sitting, he made no mention of it. Perhaps he hadn't noticed, as he was already consulting the notes on his PADD.

Nyota nodded at Bones, sliding from Jim's bed. "He's all yours, Leonard. Thanks for bringing our Captain back," she told him. From the way she sauntered from the room, you couldn't tell she'd just been crying over him at all.


	2. Chapter 2

Jim's crew threw him a party once he got out of the medical unit—Sulu, Chekov, Bones, Carol, Spock. Her. There were others in attendance, of course, and for a while, the small recreational room on Deck 14 was very crowded as everyone ate various foodstuffs and drank (Bones _guzzled_) alcoholic beverages, except for Carol and Sulu, who drank juice because they were working their shifts afterwards.

Jim tried to pretend he wasn't watching Nyota throughout the gathering. She, like most of the other females in attendance, had on the regulation uniform. But when she wore her hair down, the way it was now, it reminded him of the first time they'd met. He could feel the tightness in his chest as he glanced at her again and again. She looked so pretty. She caught him watching her a few times, and offered him a small smile that he couldn't read. He wanted her to come over and talk to him without Spock, though he knew that was unlikely. The conversation Nyota had started while he was still in sick bay was lingering in his mind; he wanted to address it but there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it here, or anywhere else it seemed.

Nearly two weeks had passed since her hospital visit, and he thought maybe she'd forgotten or simply didn't care anymore. He'd tried to get her to come to his quarters, had messaged her his own private entry code, playing it off as a "just in case there's an emergency and you need me right away" kind of thing. She hadn't used it yet. Jim knew he needed to try and come to accept that he might never speak with her about what she'd told him that day, that she really was going to stay with Spock and he'd have to feign congratulations when they did _whatever_ they would do—hell, got married and had their Vulcan babies. Whatever.

The celebration was winding down by the time Nyota made her way over to Jim, embracing him lightly as a greeting, with her boyfriend right beside her. "I'm finally getting to speak to the man of the hour," she said as she released him with that same light smile she'd been tossing his way all night.

"It is good to have you well again, Captain," Spock added. "You absence on deck certainly did not go unnoticed."

"Thanks," Jim said. "I'm sure the Enterprise didn't miss a beat with you in charge, buddy."

"I performed my duties in a manner I thought you would find most acceptable. However, such a change in administration would not have been necessary had you taken an away team with you. Perhaps a consideration for next time," Spock said in his familiarly serious manner.

Jim chuckled, not offended in the slightest. Corrections and factual retorts were all a part of Spock's personality, the gods love him. "Hey, I was being _considerate_. Once you told me there was a storm of poisonous gas going on, I wasn't going to risk anyone else's life. I hadn't _planned_ on landing. I just wanted a closer look. It's in my nature to be curious. What can I say, next time, I'll be more careful," Jim responded. He took a long gulp of his beer. "But don't hold me to it."

Nyota shook her head. "I was hoping your near death experience might have knocked some sense in to you. I guess I was wrong."

Jim's eyes flickered towards hers. "I guess you were, Lieutenant. You should know me by now, though. If there's something I really want, nothing is going to stop me from getting it. Or at least, trying my hardest to get it."

"You have to make everything a competition or a personal challenge, don't you? It wouldn't be the worst thing if you took time to reason before diving in headfirst all the time. People could get hurt from the rash choices you're so fond of making."

"Or they could find it was the best decision they've ever made in their life. And then, the initial hurt…becomes _worth_ it."

"I cannot think of such a circumstance," Spock mused. Beside him, Nyota blushed and wouldn't meet Jim's eye again. Jim felt slightly guilty, doing what he was doing right under Spock's nose...but it wasn't as if they were having a full on affair. If he never touched Nyota again, he would be able to justify what they had done. That was, however, the problem. He was dying to touch her again.

Just as Jim was trying to think of a subtle way to apologize, someone started up a round of songs, and soon the entire deck was singing loudly enough to drown out normal conversation. Nyota stood next to him, laughing at Chekov doing a ridiculous impersonation of Sulu dancing. Jim rested his hand on the small of her back, for a quick moment, before the singing was over. She didn't pull away from his touch, though anyone could have seen.

* * *

Jim lay staring up at his ceiling later that night, deep in thought. When he heard his door slide open, his heart began to thump wildly because he knew it was her. He sat up in bed.

"Is it a bad time? Can I come in?" she asked from the doorway to his room.

"You don't have to ask," he replied, folding his hands in front of him. "And you're already in."

Nyota had changed to her regulation sweat suit, the red and gray set. It fit her so well, showing her athletic figure in a way that made him want her—but what else was new? Her hair was in a ponytail, and part of it curled over her shoulder as she went across the room and sat carefully in one of the chairs that faced the bed. It was the right choice. Her being on his bed was too much temptation. Their chemistry was strong, ignited simply by their being in the same _room_ together.

"We need to talk," she said softly.

"I know," Jim said. "I've been waiting."

She held her chin up stubbornly. "I'm not a cheater."

"I don't want you to be."

"I don't want to hurt Spock, and I know you don't either. I can't sleep with two men at once, especially when one of them is supposedly my boyfriend."

"Supposedly?"

"Jim. You know what I mean."

He would not beg her, even though she was breaking his heart with her words. He swallowed, nodded. "I understand."

"Good," she said. "So you're alright with us being…you know…over?"

He peered at her. "Are you crying?"

"No," she insisted, though her eyes were glistening. "I just want to make sure things don't change between us. I want you to treat me like the same Jim you've been. Make your little jokes, barge into my room whenever you want, let me scream how inconsiderate you are! I don't want things to change!"

"Nyota," Jim said flatly. "We've had sex. _Everything's_ changed."

She gave a small desperate sounding wail, and let her head drop into her hands. Jim could only sit there watching her shoulders rise and fall with every breath she took. They sat in silence for some time until finally, Jim sighed. "Look, I don't want to make this hard on you. I don't want you to end up hating me. You regret what happened between us and you want us to go back to being friends so you can continue on with Spock. That's fine. Well, it's _not_ fine, but I'm not going to push you. Like I told you before, I care about you. I care about how you feel. I don't like to see you cry, especially not over something that I did."

"You didn't do anything that I didn't actively participate in. And I never said I regretted it." She sat up again, facing him.

"I damn sure don't regret it," Jim said softly. "I remember how happy I was that night. I still remember how it felt to touch you. I remember everything. I can't get it off my mind. I think about you all the time. Every minute."

She ducked her head. "Please…you can't…you can't say things like that to me, Jim."

Jim stood up, walking over to her. "I guess this is it then. If you want it done, it's done."

"Okay," she said, nodding. "Thank you."

Nyota slid off the chair, taking two steps towards the door before Jim grabbed her hand, pulling her against him.

"_Don't_…."she warned breathlessly, but when he kissed her, she kissed back.

* * *

"I love you so much," Jim whispered in her ear. Their bodies were pressed together, a mixture of sweat and kisses, arms and legs wrapped around each other, joined as if they would never let each other go. When he went harder inside of her, she whimpered beneath him, drawing her thighs up around his waist.

"...stared at you all night...I _want_ you...I miss you..." he gasped as he pulled her closer. She moaned, her head back against the pillow so her throat was bared to him. He ran his tongue over her, drawing her soft skin into his mouth, sucking her, wanting to leave a mark. There was always the slightest hint of whatever soap she used just below her jawbone. The aroma reminded him of gingerbread. Nyota grabbed his face suddenly, making him look at her. She was the only woman he'd been with to do that, make eye contact during sex.

"Kiss me," she exhaled. He did, the feel of her tongue in his mouth giving him a rush that felt as good as the drugs he used to take before he'd enlisted. They kissed as he erupted inside of her, her screams of pleasure swallowed by his lips over hers.

* * *

Afterwards, she lay across his chest, running her fingers up and down his biceps. He, in turn, traced tiny circles over her backside. He knew from prior experience that it made her sleepy.

"I can't stay," she mumbled, her eyes already drifting closed.

"I want you to." Jim pulled her against his chest by her ass, growing hard again as her nipples brushed against him. "I can set the controls to wake you up early—"

"We can't keep doing this," she said. She opened her eyes suddenly and rolled away from his wandering hands. "I can't _believe_ we're doing this."

"Our chemistry is off the charts. You have to admit it."

She sat up, pulling her hair over her shoulder. "It might be best if I put in for a transfer."

Jim sat up too. "Are you fucking serious?"

"I don't want to be in the middle!"

"You think that leaving will make things easier? That's a coward's way out."

"Don't call me names!" she said angrily. "You don't know the guilt I feel every second I'm with him! He doesn't have a clue what we're doing behind his back. It would kill him! He loves me so much—"

"And I don't? There's nothing in the galaxy I wouldn't do to make you happy. Just give me a chance. God, you never just gave me a chance!"

"I was already with him when we met!"

"You still treated me like shit the first year and a half of our acquaintance. You'd already made up in your mind I wasn't worth it."

"I've apologized for that. I can't change the past, and I can't change the fact that I knew him _first_." Nyota tugged some of the sheets around her. "And what about all your other women? How could I ever trust you?"

"You know how many women I've been with since you and I went to Iowa? How many women I've even noticed since then? Zero."

"Wow, you've been a whole three months without one of your flings! That's all the validation I need, Captain," she said sarcastically.

Jim groaned, putting his head in her lap. "Don't do this to me. Don't _do_ _this_ to me. You're killing me. Seriously. I'd rather you just tell me you don't love me than try and make me feel bad by throwing the past in my face. If you don't love me, just tell me."

She sighed softly as she began to stroke his hair. "I...I've always found you attractive, and even after I realized I was attracted _to_ you, I could handle it. But then one day, something was different. I can remember you and Spock were looking at one of the star maps. I couldn't look away. You looked up at me and I remember thinking how amazing it was that anyone's eyes could be that blue. I remember thinking how I loved the color of your eyes. And I was scared at that thought," she explained quietly.

"Yeah...yeah, I remember that," Jim said. "Before we went to that ice planet in Quadrant Four."

She blinked back tears. "Yes, it was. It _was_ then. I remember the way I loved your blue eyes and that thought _scared_ me because I knew exactly what it meant. I knew then like I know now. I'm just afraid to say it. Because once I say it out loud, I can't take it back. Once I say it, I'll have to make the hardest decision of my life."


	3. Chapter 3

It had been an exhausting day for Jim Kirk. Barely fifteen minutes into his shift, he heard a gasp from Nyota, who exclaimed, "Captain! We've got a major emergency on Lower Deck C!" There had been an explosion in the chemical science lab, causing a fire and severely injuring several crew members, three exposed to contaminated materials and requiring immediate quarantine. The Enterprise had next gone through a violent space storm, which threw everyone in the control room about like rag dolls (Jim split his chin, which McCoy would later have to treat with a painful session of dermal regeneration). Even worse, the storm resulted in damage to eight side solar panels—Jim would have to find the closest suitable planet to land on in order to make repairs, which would throw them off schedule. At 1800 hours, the food replicator in the mess hall shut down for reasons unknown; this sent an unusually high number of ship personnel to swarm the smaller mess halls. The multitude of complaints from the serving staff flooded Jim's inbox, so when his messages told him for the third time that his in-box was full, he simply shut the program off. A gigantic nest of baby rats in the piping above the ship swimming pool plunged to the water below when the pipes burst open over the heads of several dozen unsuspecting officers. More complaints poured in. By the time Jim's shift was officially over, all he wanted to do was relax with a plate of shrimp stir fry from his replicator and the largest beer his personalized beverage machine would allow.

Peace, however, was not to be had. The moment he'd pressed the button to begin his dinner, there came an urgent knocking to interrupt him. "Fuck!" he cursed as he hit the PAUSE button and went to get the door. Nyota would have just come in. Disappointed in knowing it wasn't her, he yanked open the door to see his First Commander.

"I apologize for disturbing you, Captain."

"Not a problem. I hope." _Does he know? Shit!_ Jim thought feverishly. For a moment, his heart accelerated as he wondered whether or not he was about to have to fight for his life. It wouldn't surprise him, considering the events of the day.

"May I have a word privately?"

"Sure." Jim stepped aside and let Spock Vulcan stood perfectly straight, hands behind his back. "Captain, I humbly ask your permission for an extended leave of absence effective immediately."

Okay, so Spock wasn't here to discuss Nyota, but at the same time, this was another issue he would have to deal with before his head hit his pillow. Day from hell, indeed. Jim sighed and plopped down on the couch, rubbing weary eyes. "Leave of absence _immediately_? What's going on? Is your dad sick or something?"

"My father's health is sound. I did speak with him, however, and our conversation is part of the reason for my sudden request. Dr. Marcus is more than qualified to stand in for me until I return."

"You can't just barge in here and say you're leaving without telling me what the hell is going on!"

If Jim didn't know any better, he would have thought he could see the color in Spock's cheeks deepen. Was he…_blushing_? "The matter is personal and private. The fact remains that I am…needed on New Vulcan. Three months, perhaps more. I feel I owe my new planet and my people some allegiance," Spock replied.

"Even though you swore an allegiance to Starfleet—"

"Under the circumstances, my allegiances are regrettably faulty—

"Your timing couldn't be worse. I mean, come on, you saw the kind of things that happened around here today—"

"Captain, this is a matter of utmost importance otherwise I would not have brought it to your attention. I would hate to do so, but if I am not granted an extended leave, I have no choice but to resign from my position."

Spock could be a pain in the ass, but he performed his duties perfectly. True, he did have a point about Carol being able to take over while he was gone; she was smart, she had worked hard since joining the Enterprise and she could handle the job as First Commander effectively, especially with her extensive science background. But Spock leaving, for _months_? What would that even mean for his relationship with Nyota?

"Are you...taking her too or what?" Jim couldn't help but to think of Nyota, though he knew his question bordered on inappropriate. It was none of his business and Spock would be within right to refuse an answer. But his friend blinked and lowered his eyes.

"I do not intend to extend my invitation to Lieutenant Uhura," Spock confessed.

"So you haven't told her yet." Jim sat back and propped his feet up. "She's going to be pissed off."

"She will more than likely find my decision disappointing."

Selfishly, Jim wondered what in the world Spock leaving would mean for himself and her. It could go either way—she could be forced to admit her feelings for him, or she could pull completely away from him, consumed with hurt. He didn't know, he wouldn't know her choice until Spock had gone. "Send me the forms. I'll approve your absence."

"Thank you, Captain." Spock turned to leave, but at the door, he paused. "In the event that Nyota is upset, as I estimate her to be, please…support her. She will pretend she does not need it, but she will."

A pang of guilt struck Jim in his chest. "Absolutely. If she wants to talk…or whatever…she knows I'm here."

Spock nodded, holding Jim's gaze for a moment too long. Almost as if he knew. But he couldn't have. He couldn't have known. Jim was positive they'd been more careful than that.

* * *

"I'm sure this makes your day," Nyota muttered glumly from the crossed beams where she sat perched like an owl. It was late, according to the chronometer, and deserted in this part of the ship where she'd chosen to comfort herself in solitude. Jim had only been able to locate her through his computer system.

"Wrong on two accounts. This day has been an unbelievable pain in my ass and you should know I never want to see you upset." Jim climbed up the beams towards her. "Jesus, how did you even get _up_ here…" he muttered as he squeezed through the final crevices to sit next to her. Her hair hung down again, and her eyes stared blankly out at the inky black darkness around them.

"He should have come to me first," she said softly, shaking her head. "He should have asked how I felt about it. But it's like he didn't even take me into consideration once he spoke to his father. I just thought I mattered more after six years."

Jim coughed uncertainly. "Well, uh, he didn't tell me why he was going. So maybe he's sick or something. Maybe he's—"

"Mating rituals. Yes, he actually _said_ that. He said it was most logical that we take a break in case he was asked to perform mating rituals," Nyota said with a shuddering sigh.

"Mating rituals. Huh." It made sense why Spock had been hesitant to tell him exactly why he was needed. Jim wanted to chuckle, but didn't dare.

"They lost so many Vulcans when Nero destroyed the planet and they're concerned about the preservation of their race. The elders of the high clans want all males of age to procreate. His father wants him to mate with a Vulcan female, so by the time Spock returns, he could very well be a father to a child that isn't ours. Sometimes I wish he didn't feel obligated to tell every facet of the truth."

"I, uh, didn't know you thinking of having his kids."

Nyota looked at Jim crossly. "I know you think I don't give a shit because of what _we've_ done but you're wrong!"

Jim held his hands up. "Take it easy, Lieutenant. I know you care."

She turned her head, returning to watching the stars and distant planets passing by. "I can accept him having sex with someone else. After all, I've done it. But I don't know if I can accept him being someone else's father. I don't know how I'll feel about him if he makes a child with some other woman and then returns here. That's abandonment."

"Can you see him doing that?"

"No. So what would he do? Bring his new family back here to live on the Enterprise? Well, I'll tell you that's _exactly_ what he would do. He would do it and give me an explanation in the name of sound logic as to why it was necessary. It wouldn't matter if I screamed or cried or even hit him. He'll choose logic over emotions every time. I think subconsciously, he's always trying to make it up to his father for not going to the Vulcan Science Academy. They didn't speak for four years after he came to Starfleet. Now is his chance to prove himself worthy in the eyes of his people. This is most likely it for us."

"Don't…don't say that. You can work it out," Jim said, not meaning a word of it. He couldn't say so. She was already upset enough.

"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I…I…think I'm going to need time to myself right now, Jim. Do you know what I'm saying?"

_Figures_.

"Yeah. Yeah, of course." Jim stood up and began his dissent back down. She shouldn't be asking for space, she should be running to his arms. But it was like he couldn't win. So he left her by the window, and neither of them said another word to each other.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Nyota wasn't noticeably different after Spock left, aside from the fact that took a lot of extra shifts. Then again, from what Jim knew of her, she wasn't the type to bawl her eyes out in the company of a small group of supportive females— she'd save any tears she may be shedding for the privacy of her own quarters.

Jim tried to keep things light between them. He made his jokes, but didn't message her or try to get her alone. He found that when he pushed, she ran. He'd have given anything to be the one she was running _to_, but Spock's leaving hadn't produced that effect. It was frustrating, and he took that frustration out in the ship gym, or by swimming laps in the pool until his arms ached and his chest felt it would explode.

Bones, who Jim would say hands down was his best friend, couldn't understand why he didn't just choose another woman. "God knows you've got enough of them giving you the eye, man," McCoy pointed out. It was true; there were other women on board obviously attracted to him. Jim wasn't stupid nor did he miss the wide smiles or the occasional bend over when he passed by a few of them. But he couldn't pursue anyone else. He stayed professional, no matter how attractive the woman. He wasn't interested in flings anymore. Those days were over with; he no longer wanted his promiscuity to define him. Jim wanted to prove himself to Nyota, that he was capable of being entirely committed, that he was serious about his feelings for her. He didn't use the word _love_ lightly.

Weeks passed.

One night, after too many shots of whiskey, Jim found himself staring at the digital pages of a lingerie magazine. Thumb sliding across the smooth screen, he flipped through until he found something perfect for Nyota—a lacy pale blue thong that he knew would look amazing against her skin. There was a tiny pink bow in the middle, which made Jim grin to himself, imagining removing the undergarment with his teeth as she raised her hips up so he could work the panties over her toned legs. "Jim," she would sigh, the way she always did when they were intimate. He missed the intimacy, missed sharing private moments with her undivided attention.

Before he had realized it, he had copied and pasted the image into his computer replicator to be duplicated. He was certain it would be a perfect fit. Moments later, the lingerie was finished, so Jim carefully gift wrapped and sent it through the inter-mail system. He left his name off, of course.

Two days later, his Communications Officer marched up to the table where he was sitting with Bones and dropped down before them as they were finishing breakfast in the mess hall. "Captain, a word. In private."

"Good morning to you, too Uhura," McCoy said, a usual scowl crossing his face.

"Good morning, Doctor," she said, and then snapped her head back towards Jim. Her eyes burned into his, but he purposely played it cool. "_Mmhmm_ that is the good stuff!" he said, licking hot sauce of his finger. He flashed Nyota an innocent grin. "What's up, Lieutenant?"

Nyota glared at him. "I said _in private_."

"But I'm not done eating—"

"The eggs are gone! You're finished!"

"Well, now, look here, I've already got a headache and I don't need to be in the middle of this. So I'll take my leave," McCoy said, picking up his breakfast tray and walking off.

As soon as McCoy was out of earshot, Nyota leaned in closer to Jim and hissed, "The little gift I got in the mail? Are you serious?"

He mocked seriousness. "They didn't fit?"

She pressed her lips together, shaking her head. For a moment, Jim wondered if she would reach across the table and smack him, which he supposed he would have deserved. Finally, she said, "If you wanted to send me a present, why not flowers? Why not…I don't know…a poem, chocolates?"

Jim laughed. "A poem and flowers…you know that's not me—"

"What I _know_ is that our relationship is _not_ going to be based off of sex."

"So we're in a relationship now, even though you haven't let me touch you in a month and you barely speak to me?"

The mess hall was starting to become busy. It wasn't the best time to do this, have this argument, but Nyota continued, "You know what I've been dealing with! It's insensitive as hell and I don't want your present. I'm getting rid of them!"

Jim frowned at her. "At least let me see them on!"

"You're ridiculous!" she snapped before standing up and stalking off.

* * *

The next time they passed each other in the halls, Jim grabbed Nyota's elbow and quickly pulled her off to the side.

"Hey! What are you _doing_—"

"I thought about what you said. I'm sorry I sent you the underwear. You have every right to be mad. I don't want you to think it's a game to me, because it's not, and it's not just about sex with you. I'll prove it. Come to my room after your shift. I'll cook for you," he said. He watched her brows furrow as she looked down at the floor, saying nothing.

"I won't touch you. I _promise_," Jim stressed.

"Fine." She brushed some hair off her face and nodded. "I'll be there around 2000 hours."

"Great. See you then."

When she came into his quarters, still dressed in her uniform, he already had things ready, including replicated vintage wine and scented candles. He handed her a bouquet of flowers, all colors and sizes. "Roses are too cliché," he explained as she took her bundle from him.

"Jim…" she breathed, looking around. "I didn't mean for you to do all of this." She stood on her toes and kissed him quickly. "Thank you. They're beautiful. I don't know how it's going to look with me leaving your place with flowers, but I appreciate them all the same," she said with a small smile. She bent to pull off her boots before following him into his kitchen area.

"Who cares if someone sees you leaving with flowers?"

"That would be inappropriate. You're not supposed to be carrying on relations with your subordinates."

"You're more than a subordinate, Nyota. If I say that you and I are together, then everyone will have to accept it," Jim said. They sat down across from each other at his table.

"Some people would file complaints. Conflict of interest, accusations of favoritism…"

"I don't think people care as much as you think they do."

"Why wouldn't they? We're all traveling together in five year intervals. I can just see people watching every move I make, trying to say I only get permission to do things because I'm sleeping with the Captain."

"You're not the type to care what other people think."

"Usually I'm not, but I always want to be _fair_."

"You would be. You always have been. I think being my woman would make you even more so."

Their eyes met across the table and Nyota's cheeks colored noticeable. "Anyway, how did you know I was in the mood for vermicelli?" she asked quickly.

"I know you better than you think."

"And you believe that wholeheartedly, don't you?" she said, taking a nervous gulp from the glass he had poured for her.

"Pretty much. I've known you for five years. But in the event I've missed a few details, why don't you tell me something I don't know?"

She swirled her noodles around in the bowl with her fork and scooped some into her mouth. "I'm _not_ afraid of snakes."

He laughed as he speared a piece of shrimp with his own fork. "Noted. Nyota isn't afraid to chop the head off an anaconda, should it be required. Something else."

She chewed, thinking. "I've never made a B in my life."

Jim rolled his eyes. "I already knew that. You don't think I've read your files?"

"Stalker!"

"It's actually a requirement for all Captains to know the academic history of every member on board. So no, not quite a stalker. Tell me something else."

She took another sip of wine. "Lieutenant Martin likes you. _Wants_ you, is more like it."

"From the medical bay? What makes you say that?"

"I heard her talking about you. Basically saying she wanted to rip your clothes off and jump on you. So you know…maybe you should give _her_ a chance."

Jim reached for her hand. "I want to give _us_ a chance."

She glanced at his fingers covering her own, but didn't pull away. "You promised you wouldn't touch me."

"I was doing fine until you kissed me."

"That kiss didn't even last long enough to cause arousal."

"You'd be surprised what just thinking about you can do to me."

"I wonder how many times you've used that line."

Jim let out an exasperated sigh, letting her go and falling back in his seat. "There you go again, coming up with reasons to doubt my sincerity."

"Because I've seen you in action, Jim. I can't help but to feel like you're only going out of your way because I'm giving you a hard time."

"Why are you giving me a hard time?"

She sighed, biting her lower lip. She stared at him for a moment before saying, "I'm willing to bet the moment I agree to be with you, you get bored and everything changes. When's the last time you were in a serious relationship?"

"I haven't had time, for one, and I've been pining for one woman for a while, so that makes it kind of difficult to make a commitment."

"Ugh. Please, Jim."

"Nyota, you're different. You and I would be different. Stop imagining reasons why we shouldn't work. We _would_ work. I know that. I've always known that."

"No, you've always wanted to have sex with me."

"Well, _yeah_ because you're ridiculously gorgeous and smart and you give me boundaries I've never had…but I'm not happy just having sex."

"Neither am I," Nyota said, draining her wine glass. "Maybe we shouldn't have sex anymore."

They ate in silence for the next few moments, though Jim's appetite had diminished greatly. Finally, after pushing his food around on his plate, he said glumly, "So you choose him."

Nyota dropped her fork, putting put her head in her hands. "I don't know…I don't _know_…"

"I do. It's pretty obvious the person you really love is him. Even after he left you to go make babies with some other woman, you're still holding on. I get it. I'll make the decision for you. Don't worry about it anymore. It can be over. No hard feelings." Jim got up and took their almost empty plates to his refresher, dumping them in.

"You're wrong," she whispered.

"Wrong about what?"

"It's not as simple as you're making it seem. Spock has his ways, and you have yours. You're two completely men. You are the polar opposite of Spock."

"Right, I am. I _am_ impulsive and unpredictable, and I'll never be content to live a mediocre life, but nobody who comes to Starfleet wants to live a mediocre life. That includes _you_—"

"Why did you tell me you you loved me?" Nyota suddenly interrupted.

Jim paused, caught off guard. "I say it because it's the truth."

"Why is it the truth?"

"Because…" He broke off, remembering that first time when he'd seen her. The trouble he'd caused that night, and all because of her. "Because when you left the bar with the other cadets after I got into that fight, I didn't care about anything else afterwards except seeing you again. Captain Pike talked to me about enlisting and I thought it was the biggest joke in the world, until I got home and thought about the fact that you'd be there. I wanted—no, I _had_ to see you again. And I thought about making Captain on the fast track because I wanted to impress you, to prove to you I wasn't the slime bag you thought I was. I changed my life that night. I changed for you. You made me a better person. You made me a better man, and I'll tell anyone who asks. I'm Captain of the Enterprise because of you, because I wanted you to be...I don't know...proud of me, I guess."

She took a deep breath, blinking back tears. "I _am_ proud of you," she whispered. She came over to him, and sat in his lap. She kissed him, gently, before putting her arms around his neck. He could feel her heart beat against his chest.

"You win," she said, kissing the top of his head affectionately. Jim pulled away to look up at her, his hand reaching out to touch her face. "I don't ever wanna lose you," he said quietly. "Not on a mission. Not when he comes back. Not ever."

"Then take me with you, wherever you go. Take me anywhere," she whispered. He fisted a handful of her hair, pulling her face against his, his mouth pressed fiercely to hers. But just as she shifted her body against his more comfortably, his intercom went off.

"Captain," the voice interrupted, "You're needed on the bridge."

Jim released Nyota with a sigh, his hands still on her hips. "I'm on my way," he called out.

Nyota giggled, sliding off of him. "I can stay, if you want. Or we can continue this another time."

"Stay," Jim said. "I like knowing you'll be waiting for me here."

"Okay," Nyota said, nodding.

As he was about to leave his quarters, she called out to him.

"Just so you know," she said. "I love you."


End file.
